Its been a while...

Haven't posted in such a long time, but I thought its time to start blogging again especially to document the road I am going down with my sweet Lupe.

After about 3 weeks of vet visits, we finally have a diagnosis, synovial cell sarcoma, cancer of the joint in her right front leg.  She is a good candidate for amputation as her chest x-rays were clear.  She is having blood work and an abdomnial ultrasound today which will further clarify if surgery is an option.  If it is, it becomes my decision, if it is not, the decision is made...either way, I cherish every day I have with her.  I need to go back and really put down the beginning of this journey, but I'm not ready for that just yet...maybe later today, maybe over the weekend.  For now, I wait and ponder what to do.  Oh and share some awesome pics of her :)

Post-Op Update

Just a quick post to let you all know that Lupe is doing okay. Her face is swollen, red and a little bruised, but she doesn't look nearly as horrible as I thought she would.

She's got a good appetite, is drinking well and has had no bathroom issues. She even pooped today!!! There is some whining, especially when its time to go to sleep or if she gets "lost" because of the cone of shame. She's not tolerating the cold compress on her face, so I've given up on that. She even just walked up and down a couple of stairs!

Keeping fingers crossed that her recovery keeps going well!

Sad day

Today is Lupe's surgery. I had to drop her off at 7 am at the vet. I've been pretty good about keeping it together about this whole thing. I did take lots of pictures of her the last few days and she got tons of belly rubs, butt scratches, etc. When the vet tech came to talk to me and take her, I just started to cry. Got one last good look at her face, hugged her and left. She should only be in surgery for about an hour and then they will give her about an hour and a half to come out of the drugs. At that point, they will call me with an update. Vet tech told me that she will feel so much better when this is all done and that she has 2 animals with only 1 eye. I'm just going to miss those expressive eyes. But I will have a dog that feels so much better and once the hair grows back in (they told me that will be the biggest shock, to see half of her face shaved) I think she'll look just fine.

Be strong my sweet Lupe-dog!!!

Drive by...

Just a quick post as I eat my breakfast and focus on how to tackle the day. I took Lupe to an opthomologist yesterday to have her further look into Lupe's left eye. The vet confirmed Lupe's primary vet's diagnosis, glaucoma. The pressure in her eye is quite high and causing a lot of pain. Was told she should have been on medication for the cataract all along to help prevent inflamation. Nothing I can do about that now though. The vet got all the medication ready and started to explain the disease. Basically, they can try to treat it medically, but the medicines on the market don't work well in animals and eventually they will stop working and Lupe will have to have the eye removed. The eye is blind and has been because of the advanced cataract and if it wasn't, it would be now because of the glaucoma. Vet said she was willing to try mediciation to see if it worked and we would know in a couple of weeks what was going on. So I asked what are we trying to save with a blind eye that is causing a lot of pain and the vet honestly answered me with "Nothing". The decision was made (actually I made this decision before I went in) that since there is no sight and Lupe is in pain, the eye has to come out.

Lupe won't notice the difference, except that once she recovers from surgery that she feel better. Me? I have some coping to do. I have the option of putting in a false eye which would move like a normal eye, but there are complications with that and if there were complications, that would mean a second surgery on a 14 year old dog. Still trying to convince myself that not putting in a false eye is the right decision, but the I either look at her, see a picture of her or think of her and I lose it. She's got such beautiful, expressive eyes and the change to her face is going to be drastic. I don't need to make the decision until the day of surgery (which is next Wednesday).

For now, Lu is on eye drops and pain meds to control things until surgery. I'm trying to remain calm and not over think this...but its hard.

Oh and I'm a couple of days late, but HAPPY 14th BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEET LUPE!!!

Happy Birthday Lupe-Dog!

So today is my sweet girl's 14th birthday! Can't believe it! Through thick and thin she and I have managed to keep moving forward. I'm just amazed at how lucky I have been to have her in my life. There are some concerning things going on with her health-wise, but I don't want to post about that now...will when I have more information. So for today, its all good!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUPE-DOG!!!

Memories...like the corner of my mind...

Spent a weekend with a walk down memory lane. Elisa (my college roommate) came to visit. She had her grandfather's unveiling so her family all congregated in the greater Boston area, Elisa stayed with me. We were asked by her uncle how long it took us to connect and act and feel like we were never apart...about 10 seconds.

Yesterday we spent a couple of hours walking around Brandeis. We walked up the Rabb steps (55 up, 3 down), went in the library (got to see the model of the Roman forum), took our picture with the Louie statue (which had a pair of panties on its head and a bra around its neck), got a free soda at the cafeteria (many more options than we were there) and even got into our Freshman dorm.

It was just absolutely amazing. I've been to Brandeis once since I've moved back, but never walked around and I'm glad I go to do that with Elisa. Feels like yesterday we were there, but also feels like a lifetime ago.

Can't wait until she comes to visit again in July!!!

One more day...

until I celebrate my last birthday of my 30's. I have some mixed emotions on this and not because I'm closer to 40. For the last 5 years I haven't heard the story about when my parents found out they were getting me not have I heard the most horrible and beautiful rendition of happy birthday. Every year, except the first year I was in Mexico (and that's because she was in Paris), my Mom would tell me the story of when she first held me and how my brother went up to everyone to thank them for his beautiful baby sister. She would also sing me happy birthday and those who knew my Mom also know that she could not carry a tune to save her life! I do have someone who is just about as tone-deaf as my Mom so she normally sings to me and she does a great job in recreating the horrible and wonderful version of the song. But if I could just hear those both one more time...

Happy Friday all!!!

The foot bone is connected to the ankle bone...

Had my first PT session this morning to try to come up with a plan of attack for my "runners knee". Therapist reiterated that a lot of my issues stem from poor body mechanics that can't be fixed but can be compensated for. It all starts with my feet and I have an appointment with a podiatrist on Wednesday to get fitted for orthotics. I had them back in high school but never followed up on them. I also need new running shoes, seems like the ones I have aren't stable enough. We are going to work on strengthening weak muscles and relaxing tight muscles in my leg and back. He seemed to think that I could be back on my running schedule within a few weeks. He taped my foot up (it feels strange) and wants me to try to run on it and see if it helps my knee. Had to do some squats for him, thank goodness I have been working with my trainer because they were a piece of cake, and we discussed my strecthing routine. I have to add "pigeon" to my stretches...Jodi would be telling me "I told you so" :) Hoping this all helps...its nothing really wrong, nothing broken...just the way I am :)

Fingers Crossed

So I ran a slow mile today at the gym...11:20. Felt great until the very end when I started to feel a little pain in my knee. I'm hoping it doesn't turn into the full blown pain I had a couple of weeks ago, but I'm not very hopeful. Grrr!

Back to the gym

After 2 weeks of resting my knee, today was my first day back at the gym. I forgot how hard it is to get a good night's sleep when you are getting up at 5:30. Going to take a few days to get used to that (and the fact that it is dark when I walk Lupe). Worked out with my trainer and it went really well. He took it easy on me and is going to work on strengthening the muscles that support my knee. I feel so much better though...not going to the gym really affected me. And I even get to try to run tomorrow...just a slow mile, but its a start!!!

Milestones...13 years

Yesterday was my cousin and her husband's 13th wedding anniversary. She was the first of the cousins to get married and the wedding was a blast. Unfortunately, the next day (actually only hours later), my grandfather passed away from pancreatic cancer. It was definitely a roller coaster weekend all those years ago. Jill and Larry are still married and doing well. I miss my Grandpa's quiet nature and advice.

I'm nursing a sore knee after my 9 mile run on Saturday. My foot is fine but my knee, not so much. I ran for 30 minutes today and I barely got through it. Going to try to roll it out tonight and ice it throughout the day. Not happy at all.

Finally got to see my new dentist and he's awesome! He was recommended to me by Adele and it turns out they used to be neighbors. He actually did the cleaning, never had the dentist do the cleaning and I'm thinking he does that for new patients. I have a "shadowy" spot on one of my teeth, so I have to go back for filing #3. Grrrr....

102 and holding

So I think I have my first "official" running injury...plantar faciitis. My left foot started hurting on Friday and by Friday night I could hardly put any weight on it. I cancelled my 9 mile run on Saturday. :( I've ordered a foot wheel to help work out the tension and will be getting inserts for my running shoes, if not all of my shoes. Grrr...

102 Down...398 to Go...

Tomorrow it will be 111 down and 389 to go! I'm talking about my running goal of 500 miles this year. I would have passed the 100 mark in February but I missed a couple of runs, sometimes life just doesn't allow for you to get that run in.

Speaking of running, I'm really starting to think about my first 1/2. There is one up in Rye, NH on May 1st that I would really like to do. Couple of reasons, course is pretty flat and its along the coast so some of the views should be spectacular. Another reason is that it is close to Randi's house and they could be there to watch me cross the finish line. This is going to be a huge undertaking and a accomplishment that I want someone to see me do it. Trainer said I would be ready mid to late May but I could be okay for the beginning of May. Think I need to talk to him about this some more...

Happy Friday! About 24 hours until I get to see Jay but he should be boarding his plane now! YEAH!!!

Can't think of one

Honestly, I'm drawing a blank on a title to the post...so this one won't have one :)

Been an interesting couple of days...

Let me start out with a belated birthday shout out to Bri and Alex. They both turned 6 on Tuesday. I'm lucky enough to be close to NH that I will be going to Bri's birthday party. I was at her first as Dad and I had found a ring that we knew Mom had bought for her before she passed away. I wanted to be there when Randi opened it. Beautiful and strong memory for me.

Yesterday I got a great compliment at work. I finished the first part of a multi-agreement project and my boss told me that it was great to see me growing in my role as a CS. WOW!!! I did a victory dance with Lupe last night :)

Speaking of Miss L, she and I spotted a coyote in the neighborhood yesterday morning. It was unnerving and a little tense, but I was able to pick her up and we headed straight home. Both the coyote and Lupe were totally fascinated by each other, but everyone kept their distance. I live in an area that has been developed for a LONG time and there really aren't any parks or overly wooded areas nearby. I'm also really close to the Mass Pike so to see a coyote in the area is strange. Hopefully it was just passing through and won't come back again. I worry about dogs and the bunny family (who lives in our backyard).

Training/working out is going really well. My trainer is really pushing me out of my comfort zone and I actually like it. I have another 13 miles to run this week (4 tomorrow and 9 Saturday) and I'm looking forward to both of them. Actually, I really am looking forward to my 10 mile run in a couple of weeks as that will be my longest run yet.

Weekend is going to be crazy and amazing. My brother is coming into town on Friday. He's going to see a college friend of his and will be picking me up on Saturday to head to NH for Bri's party. Sunday we have Jake's (cousin Brett's son) party and then Jay heads back to DC. I can't wait!!!

Happy Thursday all!!!

TGIF and ANOTHER birthday!

Happy birthday to Amie, my "Little Sister" is 18 today! We were matched when she was just 9 years old...crazy to think she's 18 already. I'm very proud of the person she has become. During my last trip back to Albany I got to see her very briefly. She looks fabulous and is a confident and happy young woman.

Somehow I managed to run 4 miles on very sore calves...stupid 1,000 lb. challenge yesterday. Even more impressive is that I ran it in 40:30. Don't know where I pulled that out of. I have to run 7 miles tomorrow and spin on Sunday...glad Monday is an off day!

Busy day in front of me so its time to focus and get motivated...HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Happy Birthday!

Today my Mom would be 66! Happy Birthday Mom!!! Miss you every day, miss you even more today!

Yesterday I went to Philadelphia with my boss for a presentation and training session with one of our clients. It was a LONG day but it went REALLY well! It was nice to meet the people I have only emailed or spoken with on the phone in person and it was great to be able to interact with my boss outside of the office.

Since I was out of town, I missed my run yesterday and I definitely paid for it today. Chris (my trainer) made me try his 1,000 lbs challenge. The challenge is to carry a total of 1,000 pounds up and down 2 flights of stairs in 20 minutes. My goal was to go for the full 20 minutes and move 500 lbs. I achieved that goal and then some. I moved a total of 700 lbs. in 19:46. I think he should either modify it to be 5% of your body weight or give women an extra 2 1/2 to 5 minutes. I can't move 2 45 lb plates up and downstairs, but I can move 2 25 or 2 10 lb plates. I didn't even try the 35 lb plates...I stuck with what I knew I could do. Oh and this was after a 30 minute strength workout with him. I'm thrilled with what I did!

If I wasn't tired after my trip yesterday, I sure am now!

Happy Birthdays!

Couple of quick shout outs for birthdays...

Yesterday my cousin Randi turned 36! She is a fighter and a kind person. I don't know if she knows how much she means to me, but it I had to call someone my sister, she would be it (along with her sister Jill of course). When I am with her, I just feel at peace and such a strong connection with my family (both those who are still with us and those who have passed on). She just amazes me!

Today my Grandma would have turned 87. I truly would have loved to see how beautiful she would be at 87. Grams was intelligent and full of style, class and grace. They just don't make women like her anymore. I can still hear her Boston accent and smell her perfume and cigarettes. She was taken from us all too soon, but we never doubted her love and all the joy her grandchildren brought to her life.

Happy Birthday to 2 of my favorite women! I love you always!

That big dog park in the sky...

I found out yesterday that a friend of mine is putting her dog to sleep today and my heart is just broken. Sydney is a beautiful white shepard who has graced her family with love and affection for 14 1/2 years. I've spent a lot of time with Syd since I first met her a few years ago. I would often house and dog sit when the family was out of town. Lupe and Syd were fun together...big dog and little dog just hanging out together. Recently Syd has stopped eating, had issues with UTI's and bladder control and is really unable to support herself.

Its not an easy decision to make, but I am always amazed about the strength of the bond between animals and humans...they have a way of letting us know its their time and its okay to let them go.

So to my friend Miss Sydney, I thank you for all of the smiles and happiness you have brought. Lupe thanks you for introducing her to "doggy crack". Go find your friend Riley in that big dog park in the sky and play like you've never played before...

5 years

Can't believe its been 5 years!!! I think of you every day. Sometimes it makes me smile. Sometimes it makes me cry. Sometimes it makes me feel loved. And sometimes it makes me feel so alone. Things weren't always perfect, we definitely had our differences. You wanted the best for me and I wanted to be able to experience things. You were right, of course.

You loved me unconditionally from the moment you first held me. I never went a day without knowing how much you cared for me and for Jay. I keep that love with me always and I miss it so much. I learned so much from you, you were my mentor, my best friend, something and someone you can never replace. I am who I am because of all that you did for me and all that you taught me.

I bought a new necklace to remind me of you. Its a simply heart inlaid with diamonds. Wearing it for the first time today. Everyone tells me that you are always with me. I keep you in my heart and now I have a physical representation of that. Forever in my heart. How appropriate.

I love and miss you Mom.

I would have preferred snow!

So the snow has stopped, but its been sleeting or raining since mid-morning. YUCK!!! So the snow is melting and we are expecting a flash freeze tonight. Really not looking forward to trying to get to my car tomorrow morning and driving to the gym on wicked icy roads.

Still thinking about what was happening 5 years ago this week. I'm not one for living in the past, but there are key moments in your life that will always be with you. I can say that I'm glad the weather wasn't like this then. Jay and I wouldn't have been able to get back to see her nor would Steffi been able to be with us. Jill wouldn't have been able to come up for the funeral. The weather was cool, but not freezing, especially for February standards. Things just came together for us, as best as the could considering the circumstances. Crazy how things happen that way sometimes.

My horoscope the last few days has been really spot on...

"The Moon enters your eighth house of sex, death and power, turning your mind to deep thoughts. The nature of life and death may perplex you when you try to understand it intellectually, so let go of any neurotic desire to make sense of what is not meant to be logical. Open your mind and heart if you want to be let in on the mysteries of life."

And yes, I still use the traditional dates and look at Gemini...there is no WAY I'm a Taurus!!! :)