Quick update

Lupe is doing much better...it was a long week and a half with her and a big vet bill, but she's finally doing better. She also turned 11 on Saturday the 28th.

My friend in California had a baby boy on Saturday the 21st! Welcome Cooper and congrats to Julie and Bob!!!

I spent the weekend alone, but got to spend a few hours on Saturday with a good friend from college that I haven't seen in a while. It was AMAZING to see her!!!

Steve is on his way back from his "vacation" to Florida to visit his mom and spend time with his brother and his brother's family. I'm hoping that this time apart will help him and in turn help us as well.

That's it for now, its hot and I'm wicked hungry...

"Good news and bad news"

That's what Steve said to me when I got home tonight. Not what I wanted to hear especially since I had just taken Ms. L outside and she didn't do so well...

The bad news is that someone got sick...The good news is that it wasn't on the bed. Ms. L is not feeling well today. Don't know if the heat got to her or if she ate something and its not agreeing with her stomach. Poor thing!

I had big plans of updating my blog this evening with pictures from my Tour de Cure ride. But my computer had other plans. Its been running a scan for the last hour and now its dinner time...grrr...

This was to be my night to catch up with things online and that's just not happening. Steve is on his way back from the batting cages with dinner so this will have to be a drive by.

Finished my cousin's new daughter's baby blanket...another thing I wanted to get pictures of and post, but that's not happening either...plus I need to figure out how to post pictures on this thing. Tomorrow is knitting night with Ceebs and I'm so excited to show off the blanket and my new work in progress. Hopefully I can find some time later this week or weekend to get things updated...no rest for the wicked I guess...lol...

Its my birthday, its my birthday, la la la la la

Okay, so the song doesn't come out well by typing...but its from a Hoops & Yo-Yo e-card Steve sent me and a singing card my co-workers got for me. Gotta love Hoops & Yo-Yo!!!

So, last night we went and checked out the route for the ride on Sunday...oh my...almost all uphill! This is going to seriously be a challenge. Doing it alone will not be easy, Steve usually rides with me and pushes me a long, but this is something I tackle by myself every year. Its a healing thing for me. I tell myself if Mom fought as hard as she did for all those years, I can get through a couple of hours pedaling a bike, uphill, both ways!!! :)

Birthday is going pretty well. Steve sang me happy birthday (very sleepily) at 6 am and even included my Mom's famous last line. She's not around to sing to me anymore, so its his job! Got my card and a gift first thing. The gift was a baseball charm for my bracelet and there is a butterfly charm coming (it was on backorder).

BF left me a voicemail singing me the Simpson's happy birthday song...the girl can't sing, but I love it!!! Co-worker even brought me flowers...she is so sweet! And other co-worker baked cookies & brownies, although she had to go home early cuz' her daughter is sick.

So far, 36 isn't as bad as I thought it would have been...I guess its all in the way that you look at it and yesterday was just a down day for me. Still would love to hear Mom's rendition of Happy Birthday. Why is it that 3 of the people I care most about can't sing to save their lives? LOL!!!

24 hours to go

I think sedation would be a good thing :)

This is honestly one of the first times I never wanted to have a birthday. This year and in 2006 when Mom passed away. Its just not in me this year. I tried to explain this to Steve this morning and I just started bawling. I just don't know where I am in life and don't know if I truly know where I want to be. Starting to sound like I'm depressed, which I don't think is the case. I think I'm just spent and tired of life treating me like the cat's litter box. Okay, now there is an image.

Rode 10 miles last night, first time since the Cape. The end of this cold didn't bother me too much, but the stupid little knats flying around did...yuck!!! Sunday is the big ride. Part of me doesn't want to do it this year, but I'm not listening to that part. Co-worker told me something yesterday that I'm modifiying for Sunday..."Pedal hard or go home!!!"

Ride on!!!

2 days and counting

Can't believe I'm going to be 36 in a couple of days...it just doesn't seem real. Already received presents from my Dad and Mary (2 Pandora charms, Queen Bee and Bird) and from my brother (2 Pandora charms, both butterflies).

Steve's extended birthday celebration last weekend was amazing! We had beautiful weather for the Yankees game on Saturday and they did put his name on the scoreboard!!! Must really care about him to go to a Yankees game... :) Sunday we went to the Cape and had an AMAZING time! Rode 30 miles on our bikes, had great meals and really spent some wonderful time together.

This past weekend, he was in a wedding. Unfortunately, I caught a cold on Wednesday, but still made it through all of the festivities. Steve had a great time, probably too great of a time as he seemed to forget that he had a date in me...he was Mr. Social that night which is normally fine, but I hardly knew anyone there. Also, when he is supposed to be showing me that I'm #1 in his life, ditching me at a wedding doesn't help. He did dance with me a few times, but he kept going to talk to people. *Sigh* Sometimes I truly don't know what to do about all of this.

Yesterday we went to Great Barrington b/c he had 2 baseball games. He actually got put in to bat in the 1st game and hit a blooper into the outfield for a single (and later scored) and he walked at his one at bat in the second game. He didn't get to play the field, b/c they ended up 10-running one game and winning the other. Was really proud of him and cheering my head off!

Funny, I didn't see any of his golf buddies, the guys at the wedding he felt he had to talk to or anyone else at the game cheering him on. Didn't see any of them waking up at 6 am so we could be at the meeting spot at 7:30 am on a Sunday morning...yet those are the people he seems most concerned about. Call me crazy...

Surprise!!!

So, I throw Steve a surprise 40th birthday party on Saturday. He was COMPLETELY surprised, can't believe I pulled it off. There were many hiccups along the way, but it came off just fine. Few things I would change but I guess you can't have everything. There were about 50 people there and he honestly couldn't believe that so many people would be there for him. What a night.

It unfortunately didn't end well and he and I are still dealing with some of those consequences. They are more than just from one day, there is a long stretch of not so good times between us. I'm not perfect, never claimed I was, but I can't figure out what I would have done previously (this life or if there are other lives) to have karma come and blindside me as much as she has done.

Wise person (BF's mother) once said that we are not given what we cannot handle...but I don't know how much more I can handle. I deserve happiness and I deserve to be treated the way I treat others, but not sure I'm getting that and I'm even less sure that the person I want to get it from can or will give it to me.

Have great things planned for this weekend, Steve's actual birthday is Saturday, and part of me doesn't want to go through with anything. Just completely spent on all of this...grrrr...

Mother's Day 2008

I can't believe another Mother's Day is around the corner. Happy Mother's Day to all those moms out there. Moms just rock...there is nothing more to be said.

Mother's Day is not an easy day for me. I'm not a mom, but that's okay, and its a day that I miss my mom more than most. Last year my family had my mom's unveiling. It was a tough day and I was put in charge of planning the entire service. It went well, but I barely held it together...actually, there were times I didn't.

This year we don't have anything specific planned. I know that tomorrow afternoon we have to go to a memorial service for the son of a guy in Steve's golf league. I was hoping to go for a bike ride on Sunday, weather is looking good and I need to train for my ride. Part of me is hoping to forget that its Mother's Day. I have no one to call to wish a Happy Mother's Day to. I guess I could call my Aunt or maybe my BFF...but they aren't my mother...and its kind of strange to wish Steve's mom a Happy Mother's Day.

Just another day for me I guess...