Surprise!!!

So, I throw Steve a surprise 40th birthday party on Saturday. He was COMPLETELY surprised, can't believe I pulled it off. There were many hiccups along the way, but it came off just fine. Few things I would change but I guess you can't have everything. There were about 50 people there and he honestly couldn't believe that so many people would be there for him. What a night.

It unfortunately didn't end well and he and I are still dealing with some of those consequences. They are more than just from one day, there is a long stretch of not so good times between us. I'm not perfect, never claimed I was, but I can't figure out what I would have done previously (this life or if there are other lives) to have karma come and blindside me as much as she has done.

Wise person (BF's mother) once said that we are not given what we cannot handle...but I don't know how much more I can handle. I deserve happiness and I deserve to be treated the way I treat others, but not sure I'm getting that and I'm even less sure that the person I want to get it from can or will give it to me.

Have great things planned for this weekend, Steve's actual birthday is Saturday, and part of me doesn't want to go through with anything. Just completely spent on all of this...grrrr...

Mother's Day 2008

I can't believe another Mother's Day is around the corner. Happy Mother's Day to all those moms out there. Moms just rock...there is nothing more to be said.

Mother's Day is not an easy day for me. I'm not a mom, but that's okay, and its a day that I miss my mom more than most. Last year my family had my mom's unveiling. It was a tough day and I was put in charge of planning the entire service. It went well, but I barely held it together...actually, there were times I didn't.

This year we don't have anything specific planned. I know that tomorrow afternoon we have to go to a memorial service for the son of a guy in Steve's golf league. I was hoping to go for a bike ride on Sunday, weather is looking good and I need to train for my ride. Part of me is hoping to forget that its Mother's Day. I have no one to call to wish a Happy Mother's Day to. I guess I could call my Aunt or maybe my BFF...but they aren't my mother...and its kind of strange to wish Steve's mom a Happy Mother's Day.

Just another day for me I guess...