Holiday Update

Just a quick update to let everyone know I survived the Christmas holiday this year. The holidays have been very different for me this year and its honestly been a struggle at times. For 6 years I was able to celebrate Christmas with what I thought would be my family and loved every minute of it. I learned new food traditions, heard new stories, participated in the gift buying/giving rush and even got to decorate a tree. I bought meaningful and personalized ornaments and stockings. Spent hours putting up the tree while listening to Christmas carols and then after New Years sadly watched all be boxed up and put away. Now, this is no longer a part of my tradition. I'm okay with my religion and my traditions, but I really did enjoy having new traditions and sharing them with those that I loved.

Am I sad? Yes. Am I disappointed? I don't think so. I just will have to make new memories moving forward and begin some new traditions. My memories of the six Christmas' I spent with Steve are happy ones, ones that I wouldn't change for anything. That's why it hurts and that's okay for now.

I truly hope that you and yours had a very happy holiday and let's bring on 2009!!!

Monday blahs...

Well, the weekend didn't go as planned. My brother's flight was cancelled at 8:30 Friday night. This was truly a good thing because the roads were terrible and I would have had to go pick him up at the airport. Plus, we got another hefty dumping of snow on Sunday, they day he would have left.

I ventured out on Saturday b/c I had to go to the bank to refinance my car. I got a MUCH better interest rate and a lower monthly payment. And the best part is that I don't have to make a payment until January 30, 2009!!! I'm hoping this is a sign of positive things to come. *Crosses fingers* Went and payed of the old loan this morning. WOO HOO!!!

My dad informed me that he is going to buy me a GPS for Chanukah. I'm really execited b/c this is really the one thing I wanted this year. Well, I want happiness, good health, peace, joy and all that other stuff but in terms of a material gift, GPS thank you very much. He also asked if he could give one of my mom's necklaces to his girlfriend...ah no. Case closed. *Sigh*

Yesterday was my cousin's son's 8th birthday. Called him to wish him a happy birthday, but he was too interested in his new hand held video game. Hey, I can handle not rating as much as a hand held video game, especially when we are talking about an 8 year old boy. Happy birthday Jude!!!

So, swamped with work. Trying to get things together for Steve' Christmas gift. Kind of down about the holidays, which is to be expected. Saw a bunch of things that I would have loved to get him if things were different between us, but not this year and maybe never. Life takes interesting twists and turns. I can only hope that this time next year, I'll have a clearer view of the road before me...

Why did it have to snow today?

So we are getting hit pretty hard with a snow storm today. Buy why today? My brother is supposed to be flying in from DC to see me this weekend. His flight is supposed to land at 7 pm this evening. Which means, I will have to drive to the airport and pick him up. On a clear day, I live about 20 minutes from the airport, on a snowy day...who knows?! And to top it all off, we are supposed to be getting another storm on Sunday, the day he's supposed to fly back.

They say, "when it rains, it pours." But what do you say when its snow?!

Happy First!!!

Just wanted to wish Lil' K a happy first birthday! And also to congratulate her mom and dad in getting through her first year!

I was honored to be able to attend her family birthday party on the 6th. It was a lot of fun to see everyone and to watch Lil' K really not like birthday cake.

Happy 1st birthday to a very special and adorable little girl! Your gift is a work in progress...

Vacation

Heading to Florida tomorrow so this will be my last post probably until I get back.

Hope everyone has a great couple of days. I'm looking forward to warm weather, family and relaxation...things I most definitely need.

TTFN!

TGIF!!!

I'm just about always happy when its Friday, but there are some weeks that I'm even more happy than normal...this is one of those weeks.

Caught a cold, don't know how, but I did! Kind of kicked me to the ground, but I didn't let it stop me. I'm looking forward to some restful time this weekend so that I can be well and rested for my vacation next week.

I can't believe my Florida trip is next week! That means I need to dig out warmer clothes and make sure everything fits. My dad told me that he spoke to my uncle and that everyone is so excited for me to come and visit! I can't believe I've never been down to visit them. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad...

Trying to figure out a weekend where I can either go visit Rand in NH or Vik in MA. Rand had a set back with her recovery and had to undergo another reconstruction. Would love to spend time with her, Rich and the girls again. Vik would just be a girls' catch up visit seeing that we haven't seen each other in many many many years. She's even all married and a mom and I have never met her husband or son. Again, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad...

Hey, if airfares stay as low as they are (my flight to Florida was under $200) I might be able to justify another trip, maybe out to the west coast...another friend I haven't seen in years, never met her husband or son...hint, hint, hint, hint...

Have a great weekend all!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Quick post as I leave work for the long holiday weekend. I want to wish everyone a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. Take the time to look around you over the weekend and be thankful for all that you have and all that got you to where you are. If you aren't happy where you are, be thankful you can do something to change that...and then go do it!!!

Also, quick birthday shout out to my BF Courtney who will 30+ a few tomorrow! Love you so much and can never thank you for all that you do for me and others. I'll be thinking how extra special Thanksgiving is this year cuz' its the day to celebrate you!!!

Happy Thanksgiving all!!!

Vacation for me!!!

I just booked my flights to go to visit my cousin (and her family) and aunt in Florida from December 11 - 15! I am SO excited! I haven't take a vacation by myself in a long time...well, if you count visiting cousin and her family in NH for a long weekend a vacation, then that would be July...

I found a wicked cheap airfare and I just had to do it...now I just have to focus until then...good luck with that!!! :)

Drive By Update

Dad was released from the hospital yesterday and is home!!! YEAH!!! Not 100% sure what was wrong with him, but maybe I'll find out this weekend.

Going to MA after work and get to see my brother! YEAH!!!

Thanks for all the good vibes for my Dad...looks like he may be turning a corner, do I dare say that?! :)

Murphy's Law...

We all know this one, "If anything can go wrong, it will."

I must have tempted fate with my last post. Saturday, Dad was released from the hospital and sent to a rehab center which is quite close to his house. Its actually where Mom was almost 9 years ago after she had her big toe amputated. She didn't stay their long b/c she developed an infection and was sent back to the hopsital in Boston. I spent virtually every night that she was there sleeping in a chair in the corner of her room.

Anyways, it was the weekend so it was pretty quiet there, I think he was going a little stir crazy. Monday they started him with rehab and physical therapy. It wasn't easy, he had problems lifting 1 lb. weights, but its a first step. Well, I got a call yesterday that he had been sent back to the hospital b/c he was having tightness in his chest. The ambulance he was in was diverted to another hospital and he was eventually transferred to the first hospital he was supposed to go to anyways.

He is not in good spirits. They don't know why he is having pain but suspect it may be more fluid build up around his heart. He is back on lasix and waiting for results of some tests they ran yesterday and seeing if he has more tests to be run today. My brother is coming up tomorrow after work and I'm going to head in as well. I think Dad could use a good dose of the two of us to help get him through this tough time.

What's getting me through? Honestly, I don't know. I can tell you its not rest b/c I haven't had a good night sleep since all of this started almost a month ago. I'm just hoping that at some point my body just has enough and allows itself to rest and sleep. Until then, I keep going...that's all I can do.

Good news, finally!

I found out yesterday that my darling cousin has been told that she is done with her treatment for breast cancer! I am completely elated that she is done and gotten through the last year and few months! She can now focus on being a mom, wife and herself again and is no longer a "cancer patient"...WOW!

Could this be the beginning of a spell of good news?! *Crosses fingers*

Friends...

I've come to the realization that there are those people in your life that no matter what are there for you. Your friends. Friends can be family members, friends can be co-workers, friends can be people you grew up with, friends can be random people who have been thrown into your life at some point. Now we all have those more casual friends that are fun but that's not who I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the people who tell you things that they share with few people in life. The people who tell you things they may know because they care about you. The people that you don't see every day but when you get in touch with them it was like you never spent time apart. The people who laugh at the good and stupid and who cry at the sad and hurtful. The ones that would tell you had a piece of food in your teeth or your fly was down. The people that share happy memories with you which make you both smile.

I know I have a bunch of people like this in my life and for that I am truly blessed and greatful. If you are reading this and understand what I mean and maybe why I writing this, then you are most likely one of those people in my life. So I thank you for being you and one of my "people".

Actually, this is pretty accurate

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Marilyn!

You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Be direct and clear


• * Listen to me carefully


• * Don't judge me for my anxiety


• * Work things through with me


• * Reassure me that everything is OK between us


• * Laugh and make jokes with me


• * Gently push me toward new experiences


• * Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Marilyn

• * being committed and faithful to family and friends


• * being responsible and hardworking


• * being compassionate toward others


• * having intellect and wit


• * being a nonconformist


• * confronting danger bravely


• * being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn

• * the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind


• * procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself


• * fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of


• * exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger


• * wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right


• * being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Marilyns as Children Often

• * are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn


• * are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger


• * form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent


• * look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel


• * are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Marilyns as Parents

• * are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty


• * are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence


• * worry more than most that their children will get hurt


• * sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Not a good weekend...

Yesterday was truly one of those horrible days. A few bright spots, but all and all horrible...

Dad is having problems with one of his lungs. They don't know the full story or reason, but it seems like there is still a lot of fluid in there. We are waiting to hear the results of a CT scan. He was also on the wrong dosage of one of his medications and has had a few tough moments with dealing with things. They have also told him that his kidney function is not where they would want it to be and that he may have to go on dialysis.

Found out that his father (my Poppi) has been in the hospital down in Florida since Thursday. They discovered some polps and one of them was sent for testing. He should be released today or tomorrow and we will wait for the test results.

Finally, my Dad's dog, Chelsea, passed away yesterday. Mary found her and Jay took care of her. She will be creamated tomorrow. Chelsea was a VERY small maltese that my Mom and Dad got back in December 1994. She was absolutely adored by my father. This dog wanted for nothing and was a very happy dog. She barked a lot and wasn't the type of dog I would have owned, but she was a good dog and made both of my parents very happy. She had been fading over the last few months and they were preparing to put her down, but she decided it was her time to go.

When it rains, its seriously floods in my life...

Quick Update

Dad is doing well. I was with him every day since last Thursday and I came back home yesterday afternoon. He has a very long road ahead of him, but he needs to make some changes in his lifestyle and I can only hope he will (and provide as much encouragement as possible). It really upset me to leave him yesterday. But my brother is there now and will spend the weekend with him.

Back to work and trying to dig myself out of the emails and things on my plate...oh joy...

Surgery, surgery and now more surgery

So, update on my shoulder. Surgery went well. Loved the "happy juice" they gave me. Was off of work Tuesday through Friday last week so today was my first day back, man was I buried. Went for my follow up appointment today and that went well. I am out of the sling and the mega bandage, although they found out that I am very sensitive to the tape used during and after surgery. Sounds like my mom. :) I can now move and really don't have restrictions unless it hurts. Will be going to PT as well to make sure it doesn't freeze. So far, so good. And Steve was wonderful and so helpful...I'm so thankful for him.

Surgery #2 belongs to my dad. He went in for an angioplasty today b/c they found blockages during his stress test last week. This leads to...

Surgery #3 also belongs to my dad. He is looking at quadruple bypass surgery Thursday or Friday. I'm really nervous and scared for him and obviously he is as well. My mom, Poppi, and uncle all went through it and did well. I'm hopeful that he will do the same.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers...

Sunday Night, blah

I hate Sunday nights. Always have, probably b/c its the end of the weekend and Monday morning is just a few short hours away. Although this is a super short week b/c my shoulder surgery is Tuesday morning so I'm only working on Monday.

Not the greatest weekend for me, but not the worst either. Dad & Mary were supposed to come visit on Saturday but they ended up in Vermont and not New York. I did get the apartment cleaned and ran a bunch of errands. And did I mention the knitting I got done?! :)

Today I went to Steve's house to check on Zippy-Cat. Zippy is doing well, very lonely. Its hard to be in the house, let's just leave it at that. Afterwards I went to CB's and went to get pumpkins with her wonderful family. Alex and I fed the animals (goats, sheep, a donkey, calf) which was SO much fun!!! Caught up on my bills and am now trying to get some dinner in my stomach...its only 8:05 pm and I haven't eaten since breakfast. Not that I'm hungry, but I must eat.

Massaaaaaahhhhhhhhge

I went for an hour massage last night. Steve had gotten me a gift certificate for a local spa for the holidays last year and I hadn't used it. It was wonderful and I've scheduled another one in 8 weeks, partially b/c I loved it and partially b/c I still have $$ left on the gift certificate. I've found the problem with going for a massage, driving afterwards. :)

Tonight I'm going to dinner at CB's house and then she and I are going to the Spinning Room for the knit in. I know, I know its the high holidays and I'm knitting. I can't go to services (need to belong to a temple for that) and since I can't do that, I figured being with support and wonderful women is a good thing for me. Also, this may be my last knit in for a while b/c my surgery is Tuesday.

So for now, knit on!!!

Welcome to the 1 year club!!!

Happy 1st birthday to my cousin's little girl Dara...she turned 1 yesterday!!!

Happy 1st anniversary to Julie and Bob...their anniversary is today!!!

First years of life and marriages are tough and SO worth celebrating. Sorry I can't be with you all but please know that you are in my thoughts!!!

1 Month

Just thought I would let everyone know that I've been in my apartment for just about 1 month...my official move in date was August 29th, I spent the nights of the 30th and 31st there with Lupe and Steve, and my first night alone was September 1st.

Still have a lot of things I want to do but I do love the place!!! Amazing how much clarity a month can give you!

To my Jewish friends, L'shanah tovah!!!

DMV

So, I had to renew my registration in September. I waited until my new address was activated and sent in the registration with the address change (b/c you can't do an address change online with a registration renewal). I also sent in a change of address for a new license. Now the DMV has cashed the check for the registration renewal but not for the license. I checked online today and my license should be mailed tomorrow (check is still not cashed). I couldn't check the status of my registration b/c I didn't do it online (which as I stated they don't allow when you also need to change your address). Here's the kicker...

My registration expired yesterday and I still don't have a new registration. So I called DMV (which took my 1/2 of the morning to not get a busy signal) and after a 10 minute wait on hold I spoke to a lovely customer service representative. She informed me that I didn't need to renew my registration b/c it was valid until 9/10...duh, that's b/c I just renewed it. She told me that the transaction was processed on September 9th and I informed her I still did not have my new registration. After confirming my mailing address, she said she could send another one out to me which would take 5-7 business days. When I asked what I was supposed to do between now and then she told me I could get a ticket if a cop wants to pull me over. Really? I would never have known that an expired registration is grounds for (1) pulling someone over and (2) writing a ticket. She then told me it was best not to call for this type of thing. So I asked her what I was supposed to do and she directed me to my nearest DMV location who can issue me a new registration on the spot, for $3 of course.

Now, doesn't the State of New York make enough from us on taxes, fees, etc. that they don't need to charge someone for documents that they were supposed to send but were never received?

GRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Sunday morning

Quick update on the weekend...

Yesterday was my cousin's daughter's christening. So I got up wicked early, pucked my bag and Lupe and headed to Massachusetts. This was my first family event without S in over 6 years and I was really uneasy. After I saw everyone and just took a deep breath, I actually felt really great to be around everyone. I took a couple of pictures and will post them when I get them loaded on my computer.

Last night I went over to my aunt, uncle & cousin's house to spend some time with them. My Auntie Steffi was staying with them as well. The girls sat at the kitchen table and talked for a while. I was glad to just be with everyone again.

I have decided to postpone my surgery until the 14th of October. There are a few things going on this coming week and it will just be easier to do it in a couple of weeks. That said, I can't wait for my shoulder not to be bothering me anymore.

Time for breakfast and to hand out with Dad and Mary before I leave. Hope everyone had a great weekend!!!

Drive by...

Been quiet lately as I've been swamped at work and not signing on at home much. Still knitting away and I need to do as much of it as I can b/c...

I have shoulder surgery scheduled for the 2nd. They are going in to scope it, clean it up and hopefully revers the impingement I have been suffering from.

Not too happy about it, but I can't live with the pain and lack of movement in my right arm. So I'm scheduled and trying to get ready for this. I hope to only be out of work for a couple of days but I'm going to need help with Lupe and just doing a few things. This sounds easy, but I live alone and I don't like relying on people. Going to have to get over that real soon.

So, that's the story for now...need to update more, I know...

Knitting...knitting...and some more knitting

Spent the last 2 evenings knitting at 2 separate knitting groups. Last night was at the Spinning Room in Altamont. We were celebrating one of the knitters 99th birthday (which is today). Betty is amazing and completely inspiring. I truly hope that we are there again next year to celebrate her 100th birthday. I had to leave a little early to come and walk Lupe. It was nice to be around such supportive women...although there is one man that was there. Liz had quite the turnout and there was lots of show and tell.

Tonight I left work a little early and went over to Trumpet Hill to sit and knit for a little while. I also wanted to catch up with the Shopkeeper as I know her from before she opened the shop. It was a small group which was nice. Again, I had to leave early to come and walk Ms. L.

I'm just about 1/2 done with my second sock and am starting to feel inspired about finishing my sweater, modern log cabin baby blanket and maybe even lace. I hope to have more time (which it appears that I will have) to knit. I truly adore knitting and I want to get better at it. It makes me feel closer with my grandma and its a very productive hobby.

So, if you are a knitter and are on Ravelry, come find me, screen name kbeth.

The Omnivore’s Hundred

I got this off a friend's blog and was eating lunch, so figured it was a good time to go through this...

The Omnivore’s Hundred

Here’s a chance for a little interactivity for all the bloggers out there. Below is a list of 100 things that I think every good omnivore should have tried at least once in their life. The list includes fine food, strange food, everyday food and even some pretty bad food - but a good omnivore should really try it all. Don’t worry if you haven’t, mind you; neither have I, though I’ll be sure to work on it. Don’t worry if you don’t recognise everything in the hundred, either; Wikipedia has the answers.

Here’s what I want you to do:
1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at

www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile (when in New Orleans...)
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho (making it is even better)
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl (has to be New England...)
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut (tried it, man its nasty)
35. Root beer float (always a treat)
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo (again, when in New Orleans...)
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects (gotta love Mexico!!!)
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala (favorite Indian dish)
48. Eel (UNAGI!!!)
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear (also known as "tuna" in Mexico. Don't ask for tuna and expect to get fish down there...)
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini (by mistake b/c the bartender didn't know the difference between gin and vodka)
58. Beer above 8% ABV (mmmmmmmm...beer.......)
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores (girl scout and camping necessity)
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano (real mole poblano just rocks!!!)
96. Bagel and lox (what about the cream cheese?!)
97. Lobster Thermidor (sniff...this was my mom's FAVORITE dish...)
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee (brother brought it home for me)
100. Snake

I counted 49...not too bad seeing that I wasn't an adventurous eater until 6 years ago...

September already?!

I can't believe its September already! The shortened days and cool nights have already arrived. Granted the days are up in the 80's for the next couple of days, but there isn't any predicted rain until late this week! FINALLY!!! I do love this time of year.

The move went reasonably well. Most everything came out of the house on Friday morning and my new furniture arrives Saturday morning. Of course furniture looks so much smaller in the showroom. Everything fits, I just had to do some rearranging. Currently, the spare bedroom and dining room are complete disasters but I'm working on getting them organized so that you can at least walk into them without having to jump over stuff on the floor (more of an issue with the bedroom than the dining room).

Best part of this weekend? Lupe is back with me!!! I knew I missed her, but having her back reminds me how much I really did miss her. She went to the local minor league baseball game on Saturday which was a blast. She got a hotdog and was even fed some french fries by someone in our section. She hasn't been to happy since she has been with me. The apartment is a lot smaller than the house, there is only me (she misses both Zippy and Steve), its a LOT noiser and there isn't a huge yard for her to explore.

I'm hoping she adjusts...I know that I haven't yet and I'm pretty miserable about everything. Having her there though does help my spirits. Just wish it felt less like a college dorm and more like a home.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Okay, so the David Bowie reference might be lost but I tried...

Made some minor changes on my blog layout to reflect changes in my life... *sigh* Wanted to load pictures of my furniture and apartment but its just not working right now. Grrr...

But I was able to find picture of my bedroom set online...



And here is the link to the floor plans of my complex. I can't get the link to work, but here is the address... http://www.longpondvillage.com/main_alllayouts.html
I'm in a Type 1, 2 bedroom.

Moving days are Friday (stuff out of the house) and Saturday (furniture delivered) and then I have a couple of days to get settled. Everyone asks if I'm excited and the answer is really yes and no. Yes to have such a great place, no because of the circumstances. Life isn't easy and I just have to keep chugging along...that's all I can ask myself to do right now.

No pain, no gain...Tour de Cure 2008

Finally have some pictures to add from the 2008 Tour de Cure I rode in June. It was about 95 degrees that day with high humidity, but I rode the entire 30 miles (most of it uphill)...

Here is me at check in. My rider number is a reflection of the amount of money I raised from the previous year. Of all riders, I was the 30th highest fundraiser...



Here is me at the start, I'm in the middle of the photo, but not directly in front. I'm wearing my Top 100 yellow bib...




Here is me making the turn back into the school, just about done. I'm the very back of this picture...



And finally, here is me riding to the finish. I was exhausted, hot, emotional and thrilled to be done...



Steve got a picture of me riding by him, but it was taken on his cell phone so its not the best picture ever...

Ouch!

Finally got in to see an orthopedist for my shoulder today. Had some extras, he moved my arm around and deterined that its probably impingement syndrome and not a tear. That's pretty good news. He wants me to continue PT and take more anti-inflammatories and call in 6 weeks if it is not better. To help start the anti-inflammatories, I got a cortisone shot. Which is actually 2 shots, the first to numb the area and the second the actual shot. OUCH!!! They told me that it will probably get worse before it gets better. Joy!

So, no golf, softball, swimming, etc. for me...still *sigh*

6 years, 3 months and 1 week...

...and now I'm on my own. Steve had a therapy appointment last night and his therapist reiterated that he needs to learn how to spend time alone. Tried this weekend, but he was too wrapped up in doing things with friends. So I packed up some stuff and left this morning. I am scrambling to find places to stay until Friday when I head to MA for the weekend. This is not what I want or where I thought we would be, but he has some things he needs to sort out for himself. I hope he does, for his own sake. Me? I have to start moving on...I don't know when he'll ever get things straight for himself, but I can't sit and wait for him to decide that he wants me in his life.

So, I guess this is now day 1...

Picture Test

Thought I would try posting pictures with one of my favorite pictures from the weekend...this is me with Bri & Dara...my "nieces"

What a weekend!!!

I had the BEST weekend! Headed up to NH to visit cousin and her family. Not only was it amazing to see her, but her 2 daughters are so much fun (and cute). If I ever figure out how to post pictures, I will...

We went to a street fair, walked on the beach, cooked lobsters, danced, talked, shopped, and really just enjoyed our time together! I didn't want to leave!!!

I stopped at my Dad's house on my way home. Chelsea (his almost 14 year old Maltese) is fading. I personally think she may have had a stroke. Its a tough time for him right now, but she is just not herself. I did get to spend some time with her, which was good, but she has no spunk anymore.

Lupe got HUGE hugs when I got home. So did Steve. He had a fun weekend (maybe a little too much fun), but what I think that matters is that he missed me and did spend some time by himself. He'll have the opportunity this coming weekend, as I'm going to MA b/c my brother and his girlfriend are coming to visit. I've never met her, it should be fun!!!

First post in July?!

I was reminded by Courtney that I haven't posted at all this month...oops! It wasn't my plan, but its just the way my month has been going.

Went knitting last night and man did I have a blast! The women that hang out in the shop on Wednesday nights are just so amazing! And Courtney and I weren't the youngest there...there was a 10 year old knitting away. My latest sock is coming out great...just want to knit and not work...*sigh*

I had a curveball thrown at me today (not literally, although that could happen as well, just hope I can swing my bat when happens)...Steve wants some time to himself in his "normal" surroundings. Which means, I have to find some where to go this weekend. I appreciate that he needs time to reflect on things and to be alone (something he HATES doing), but a little more notice please?! :)

So, my wonderful cousin Randi has agreed that I should go visit them. I'm SO excited since I haven't seen her since 2 days after Dara was born (which was in October). She has been through so much (treatment, giving birth, surgery, more treatment, more surgery), I just want to give her a huge hug and not let go. There are only a few people that I would want to be around right now and she's up there on the list (after Aunt, brother and a couple of dear friends...can't include Mom or Steve, but they would have been #1 & #2). I'm taking a 1/2 day tomorrow and driving up to NH for the weekend. I can't wait!!!

See you all on the flip side...wish me (and Steve) luck!!!

Quick update

Lupe is doing much better...it was a long week and a half with her and a big vet bill, but she's finally doing better. She also turned 11 on Saturday the 28th.

My friend in California had a baby boy on Saturday the 21st! Welcome Cooper and congrats to Julie and Bob!!!

I spent the weekend alone, but got to spend a few hours on Saturday with a good friend from college that I haven't seen in a while. It was AMAZING to see her!!!

Steve is on his way back from his "vacation" to Florida to visit his mom and spend time with his brother and his brother's family. I'm hoping that this time apart will help him and in turn help us as well.

That's it for now, its hot and I'm wicked hungry...

"Good news and bad news"

That's what Steve said to me when I got home tonight. Not what I wanted to hear especially since I had just taken Ms. L outside and she didn't do so well...

The bad news is that someone got sick...The good news is that it wasn't on the bed. Ms. L is not feeling well today. Don't know if the heat got to her or if she ate something and its not agreeing with her stomach. Poor thing!

I had big plans of updating my blog this evening with pictures from my Tour de Cure ride. But my computer had other plans. Its been running a scan for the last hour and now its dinner time...grrr...

This was to be my night to catch up with things online and that's just not happening. Steve is on his way back from the batting cages with dinner so this will have to be a drive by.

Finished my cousin's new daughter's baby blanket...another thing I wanted to get pictures of and post, but that's not happening either...plus I need to figure out how to post pictures on this thing. Tomorrow is knitting night with Ceebs and I'm so excited to show off the blanket and my new work in progress. Hopefully I can find some time later this week or weekend to get things updated...no rest for the wicked I guess...lol...

Its my birthday, its my birthday, la la la la la

Okay, so the song doesn't come out well by typing...but its from a Hoops & Yo-Yo e-card Steve sent me and a singing card my co-workers got for me. Gotta love Hoops & Yo-Yo!!!

So, last night we went and checked out the route for the ride on Sunday...oh my...almost all uphill! This is going to seriously be a challenge. Doing it alone will not be easy, Steve usually rides with me and pushes me a long, but this is something I tackle by myself every year. Its a healing thing for me. I tell myself if Mom fought as hard as she did for all those years, I can get through a couple of hours pedaling a bike, uphill, both ways!!! :)

Birthday is going pretty well. Steve sang me happy birthday (very sleepily) at 6 am and even included my Mom's famous last line. She's not around to sing to me anymore, so its his job! Got my card and a gift first thing. The gift was a baseball charm for my bracelet and there is a butterfly charm coming (it was on backorder).

BF left me a voicemail singing me the Simpson's happy birthday song...the girl can't sing, but I love it!!! Co-worker even brought me flowers...she is so sweet! And other co-worker baked cookies & brownies, although she had to go home early cuz' her daughter is sick.

So far, 36 isn't as bad as I thought it would have been...I guess its all in the way that you look at it and yesterday was just a down day for me. Still would love to hear Mom's rendition of Happy Birthday. Why is it that 3 of the people I care most about can't sing to save their lives? LOL!!!

24 hours to go

I think sedation would be a good thing :)

This is honestly one of the first times I never wanted to have a birthday. This year and in 2006 when Mom passed away. Its just not in me this year. I tried to explain this to Steve this morning and I just started bawling. I just don't know where I am in life and don't know if I truly know where I want to be. Starting to sound like I'm depressed, which I don't think is the case. I think I'm just spent and tired of life treating me like the cat's litter box. Okay, now there is an image.

Rode 10 miles last night, first time since the Cape. The end of this cold didn't bother me too much, but the stupid little knats flying around did...yuck!!! Sunday is the big ride. Part of me doesn't want to do it this year, but I'm not listening to that part. Co-worker told me something yesterday that I'm modifiying for Sunday..."Pedal hard or go home!!!"

Ride on!!!

2 days and counting

Can't believe I'm going to be 36 in a couple of days...it just doesn't seem real. Already received presents from my Dad and Mary (2 Pandora charms, Queen Bee and Bird) and from my brother (2 Pandora charms, both butterflies).

Steve's extended birthday celebration last weekend was amazing! We had beautiful weather for the Yankees game on Saturday and they did put his name on the scoreboard!!! Must really care about him to go to a Yankees game... :) Sunday we went to the Cape and had an AMAZING time! Rode 30 miles on our bikes, had great meals and really spent some wonderful time together.

This past weekend, he was in a wedding. Unfortunately, I caught a cold on Wednesday, but still made it through all of the festivities. Steve had a great time, probably too great of a time as he seemed to forget that he had a date in me...he was Mr. Social that night which is normally fine, but I hardly knew anyone there. Also, when he is supposed to be showing me that I'm #1 in his life, ditching me at a wedding doesn't help. He did dance with me a few times, but he kept going to talk to people. *Sigh* Sometimes I truly don't know what to do about all of this.

Yesterday we went to Great Barrington b/c he had 2 baseball games. He actually got put in to bat in the 1st game and hit a blooper into the outfield for a single (and later scored) and he walked at his one at bat in the second game. He didn't get to play the field, b/c they ended up 10-running one game and winning the other. Was really proud of him and cheering my head off!

Funny, I didn't see any of his golf buddies, the guys at the wedding he felt he had to talk to or anyone else at the game cheering him on. Didn't see any of them waking up at 6 am so we could be at the meeting spot at 7:30 am on a Sunday morning...yet those are the people he seems most concerned about. Call me crazy...

Surprise!!!

So, I throw Steve a surprise 40th birthday party on Saturday. He was COMPLETELY surprised, can't believe I pulled it off. There were many hiccups along the way, but it came off just fine. Few things I would change but I guess you can't have everything. There were about 50 people there and he honestly couldn't believe that so many people would be there for him. What a night.

It unfortunately didn't end well and he and I are still dealing with some of those consequences. They are more than just from one day, there is a long stretch of not so good times between us. I'm not perfect, never claimed I was, but I can't figure out what I would have done previously (this life or if there are other lives) to have karma come and blindside me as much as she has done.

Wise person (BF's mother) once said that we are not given what we cannot handle...but I don't know how much more I can handle. I deserve happiness and I deserve to be treated the way I treat others, but not sure I'm getting that and I'm even less sure that the person I want to get it from can or will give it to me.

Have great things planned for this weekend, Steve's actual birthday is Saturday, and part of me doesn't want to go through with anything. Just completely spent on all of this...grrrr...

Mother's Day 2008

I can't believe another Mother's Day is around the corner. Happy Mother's Day to all those moms out there. Moms just rock...there is nothing more to be said.

Mother's Day is not an easy day for me. I'm not a mom, but that's okay, and its a day that I miss my mom more than most. Last year my family had my mom's unveiling. It was a tough day and I was put in charge of planning the entire service. It went well, but I barely held it together...actually, there were times I didn't.

This year we don't have anything specific planned. I know that tomorrow afternoon we have to go to a memorial service for the son of a guy in Steve's golf league. I was hoping to go for a bike ride on Sunday, weather is looking good and I need to train for my ride. Part of me is hoping to forget that its Mother's Day. I have no one to call to wish a Happy Mother's Day to. I guess I could call my Aunt or maybe my BFF...but they aren't my mother...and its kind of strange to wish Steve's mom a Happy Mother's Day.

Just another day for me I guess...

Falling behind

Haven't posted in a while...just haven't had the time or mindset to do so...so here goes...

Most exciting news is that I went to WEBS to hear the Yarn Harlot speak with Ceebs and another woman from our Wednesday knitting group. Nothing like spending the day with wonderful women, a fantastic author and TONS of yarn. It was a much needed good time.

Looking forward to knitting tonight, have a sock to finish (almost done) and ready to cast on the next one. I'm truly on a sock knitting kick...I have 2 baby blankets to knit...just can't put sock yarn down...must resist...

Work has been out of control busy and doesn't look like it will get any calmer any time soon. Such is the curse of the working class. Work, it is truly the curse of the knitting class. :)

TGIF!!!

So happy it is Friday! Our weekend plans have been cancelled, not going down to NJ to see my college roommate tomorrow. Instead we are going to focus on us. Something that REALLY needs to be done. I haven't slept much in the past couple of days which isn't helping either. I just feel like crawling under a rock and letting the world pass me by. Which of course, I won't do.

Had my abdominal ultrasound today. He said my gallbladder walls looked a little thicker than normal and there was a spot that they didn't like, but tried to assure me it was nothing.

That rock is sounding better and better...

6 years & 1 day

Happy day after Tax Day! Tax Day is officially my anniversary with Steve. Been together 6 years, not always perfect, but I do care about him more than anyone else. I bought him the traditional 12 pack of Sam Adams (this time Sam Summer) for each year we have been together...lots a lot of beer. It was waiting for him when he went downstairs yesterday morning.

The day wasn't too great We've been going through a tough time recently and I was truly hoping he would have planned something pretty special to help us both remember why we are together. Didn't happen. He got me a couple of cards, that we pretty cute and funny, and took me to dinner...sushi. Love sushi and this is the place of our first date but it didn't feel special. I had given him a HUGE hint about a Pandora bracelet I wanted. He told me he had thought that we could have gone together to pick it out (my idea), but he never acted on it. Just wasn't the day I was expecting.

Went to the doctor this morning. I have to go for yearly blood work tomorrow (6:30 am b/c I have a 7:30 conference call) and an ultrasound on Friday to make sure my gall bladder is okay. Joy of joys!

Softball starts tonight, not that I can play b/c my shoulder is killing me...may have to go to PT for that.

Maybe someday, something will just feel like its going right... grrrr...at least its supposed to be warm over the next couple of days...

Ah, Monday again?!

Actually, I'm glad its Monday. Had a rough weekend that really shook my entire being to the core. Things that you hope for and depend on are not always what they seem. Sorry for being cryptic but it is just too painful to even type about.

I did give blood which is a good thing. It wasn't too bad, although I have a decent bruise on my right arm. Hey, if someone could donate pints that ended up in my mom, I can do the same for someone else.

Thursday was my boss's 50th birthday. He was out of town so we decorated his office on Friday. He laughed when he saw it. Gave me some good ideas for someone's 40th birthday coming up next month.

Today is our first softball scrimmage. Not that I can play with my shoulder hurting like it is. We had a practice the same day 6 years ago which is when I finally admitted I had a thing for Steve. Which means our 6 year anniversary is tomorrow. Funny to think about things that happened 6 years ago, especially in light of where I am today. Actually, I don't want to think about it too much...see 1st paragraph of this post.

*Sigh* what can one girl do?

Not again...

After a tough weekend (Steve being out of town, dealing with a few family things, "visiting" mom), the tough times just don't end...

My dad called this afternoon. He had an appointment with a nephrologist today to follow up on blood work that his doctor did and didn't like the results of. He found out that his kidney function is very low (about 25 - 30 %). They have no idea why and are running a bunch of follow up tests to help determine the cause and course of action.

Kidney failure is something my family has dealt with and seen first hand. It is not a pleasant diagnosis and watching someone you care for go through it is absolutely horrible. I can only hope and pray that the cause is something minor and not serious.

Of all things to be wrong with him, kidney problems is not something we are ready to deal with again. Its been just over 2 years since Mom lost her fight...and now it looks like we may be fighting something potentially serious with Dad. Not that their general health is in any way related, its hard to not think about what she went through. The memories and wounds are just too fresh...

If someone is looking out for this family, please put in a good word for us and for him...

Knit on!!!

Well, the boy is out of town so I've been catching up on reading and knitting. Not that I can't do it when he's around, but the house is quiet and I need to keep busy.

Last night went to the knit-in a the lys with bf and finished my latest pair of socks! I'm completely addicted to knitting worsted/sport weight socks on 2 circular needles. Bought the yarn for the next pair, but I'm branching out and doing 2 color socks this time...this should be interesting. I also bought yarn for my cousin's new daughter who was born on 4/1!!! Don't have the needle for it, but I ordered that today. I casted on my next sock (not worsted weight) but I haven't done anything else on it. I have a sock 1/2 finished that is stewing b/c I dropped a stitch and I just don't feel like dealing with it yet.

Tonight, I need to go to the mall and then I'm tackling this new sock. I can't wait!!! Especially since I've been having a crappy day at work...grrrr...

Knit on!!!

Me a blogger?

Here goes nothing...thought I would set up a blog, not sure I'll really give out the address...but it gives me a chance to vent and share things with the larger world...

Thought I would share the significance of the title of my blog...

Butterflies - symbol of my mom, she used it in business (travel agent) and always loved them. Used to be completely freaked out by them, but now that she's gone, its like she sends them to me to let me know she's looking after me.

Bees - symbol of both of my grandmothers, both of them were named Beatrice and always used to tell people that their name was Bea, just like a bumblebee. One was a knitter and the other crocheted and did needlepoint. Haven't picked up the needlepoint and crocheting as a hobby, but man do I love knitting.

Anyways, post 1 done...let's see if I can do this regularly...

TTFN